revisiting Road Movie, 2000

from Road Movie,
a long poem, 1996--2000


a blur out the window
but here Monument Valley--
take a moment, under this crystalline sky
you have never seen

such original sight
the red rock and blue sky, yellow flower
held up
Indian flavor
so new? or so very old,

neck relaxing, forgotten anxieties
of travel and in suspension, in the entertaining
ever-changing scene
brilliant light edged candy dotted hills
sinking into dark, the night sky and again I am faced

with the dying into emotion,
of letting go into that space
would anyone want to be here,
there, is nothing here?
I want to go home,

a death wish?
a feeling so very sweet, with the wind on my face
want that death should be this
so very easy and inviting--
but no this is life and the struggle is

delicious, this angst
describing the depth, of love
the grasp it has, feeling drugged
feeling apart from-- in all this self consciousness
and going on

the urge, the act of continuing
the unconscious
being, a part of, dissolved into, a feeling of rude--
awakening
into reality

of sublime
unity with
what is beyond
final merging
to one swirl

of star light
the whole cycle
at once
the stripes
of seasons

twirling
Sufi like
part of--

the Indian flute reaching the far distance
creeping into my soul, feeling as though I lived there
Big deal, some landscapes I made--
on vacation-- what do I care?
there is a pile of them on the shelf

lined up in a calendar sequence
the silence, resisting the silence
giving in to it, all right, maybe, you won’t disappear,
if I did its all right, no flowers to water,
no dog to feed, kids,
the paintings--